You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
