i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have fence marks all over my body
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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