I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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