I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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