she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
