I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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