I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
