dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
