bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
