WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
