She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
