how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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