plz talk dirty to me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
