How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
