Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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