Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
