You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
