I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
