what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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