I got chris browned last night
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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