i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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