i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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