Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
