somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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