I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
