you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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