i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
