My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
