new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
