nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
