i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
