sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize