life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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