he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
