I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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