Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
