Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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