the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
