So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
