I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
