I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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