Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
