Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
