After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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