you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
