I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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