I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
