ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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