Tell her she can't have a vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
