I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
