I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
