he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize