I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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