at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
