i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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