My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
