Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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