Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
