she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
