You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
