I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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