dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
