so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize