I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
