Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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