I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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