sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
