You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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