I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
