Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize