Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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