Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
