I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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