no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
