that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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