We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
