She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
