found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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