just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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