Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
