im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
